Think of Mr Big from Sex and the City, the ultimate emotionally unavailable man. Charming, successful, and infuriatingly hard to read, he kept Carrie (and millions of us) hanging by a thread with just enough affection to stay interested but never enough to feel secure. Or Mr Darcy!! the original blueprint for “cold on the outside, soft on the inside”. Pop Culture has long glamorised this archetype: the one we’re desperate to win over, believing their rare vulnerability is a trophy. But in real life, emotional distance isn’t attractive — it’s exhausting. And in today’s time emotional availability is no longer a soft skill. It’s not loud or performative. It’s intentional, grounded, and unfortunately rare. It’s the new standard of intimacy — and the quietest luxury of all.
In a time where dating culture is shaped by ghosting, and emotional detachment, the ability to be fully present—both mentally and emotionally — is emerging as a new marker of desirability. But why is emotional availability a rarity today?
“Emotional availability feels exclusive and rare, which is why it’s being tied to the idea of quiet luxury,” says Ruchi Ruhi, a relationship therapist. “With the face-paced, fleeting nature of modern interactions, people focus more on instant gratification and tend to avoid vulnerability.”
The advent of smartphones and the internet means our lives now inhabit two worlds: the real and the digital. This shift promotes a quantity over quality approach to intimacy. Swipe fatigue is real, as is the burnout that comes from trying to find “the one.” In this landscape, emotional detachment becomes a defence mechanism. We’ve learned to ghost instead of confront and flee instead of commit. Emotional presence feels distant when self sufficiency is prized, while autonomy is empowering, hyper-independence often slips into emotional unavailability. And in this age being “too busy” for feelings is glorified. In such a climate of emotional…
