In short, our feelings about sunglasses are fairly complicated. We like them but we don’t necessarily trust them. We fancy ourselves in them but we’re not sure the children’s entertainer should be wearing them, or the groom. We slightly have it in for people who apparently never take them off, but then again we’re aware this could be on account of a medical condition/acute light sensitivity (as turned out to be the case with Bono, which only came to light after decades of people assuming he was a bit of a rhymes-with-rock).
We get that sunglasses can look Try Hard (thinking of Simon Cowell). We didn’t need to see The Devil Wears Prada to work out that they can put the wearer at one remove from normal society. And we also appreciate that some people have sunglasses thrust upon them as a defence against the flashing light bulbs of paparazzi cameras.
The bottom line is that sunglasses can be weaponised or they can be a health precaution, a fashion accessory or a firewall and it pays to know how you tell the difference. Here goes:
Age Defenders
The thing that distinguishes the older Rolling Stones who made Hackney Diamonds from the Stones 30 years ago (apart from the absence of Charlie Watts) is you will often see them in public wearing shades and these days Keith barely takes his off. This is simply because shades, like long hair and drugs, go hand in hand with rock ’n’ roll and when you’re too old for the former you need them a lot more. With the right sunglasses and a bandana you’re just nose and teeth and your crinkly eyes will look exactly the same as they did in 1979. Likewise if you’re Joe Biden – doddery on his feet, sharp from the cheekbones up – sunnies give you a lift.
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